Dealing with online grooming
What is online grooming?
Online grooming is when someone builds trust and a connection to manipulate you into doing something sexual or illegal, often without you realising at first. It usually starts with someone being friendly and supportive, but over time they may begin to pressure or trick you into sending sexual messages, photos, videos, sharing personal information, or even try to convince you to meet in person.
Grooming can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background, and it is never your fault. The person doing the grooming could be a stranger, someone your age, someone older, or even someone in a position of authority such as a coach, teacher or employer. It can happen on social media platforms, messaging apps, chat rooms, dating apps, online games and many other online services.
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Signs someone might be trying to groom you online
Some warning signs include:
Sending you frequent messages, often across multiple platforms.
Asking you to keep your conversations secret.
Asking about your family, home life or whether anyone else can see your messages.
Gradually introducing sexual conversations or requesting sexual images or videos.
Offering gifts, money or special attention in exchange for secrecy.
Trying to isolate you from friends or family.
Threatening or blackmailing you into doing things you do not want to do.
Where to get help in South Africa
If you are worried about online grooming, you can seek help from:
SAPS or your nearest police station.
Childline South Africa (116).
The Department of Social Development.
If sexual images of a child are involved, report suspected Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) to the Film and Publication Board.
If you are worried that someone else is being groomed or exploited, report your concerns to:
SAPS.
Your nearest police station.
Childline South Africa (116).
The Department of Social Development.
Child Welfare South Africa.
If someone is in immediate danger, call SAPS emergency services on 10111.
What to do if you are being groomed
Cut contact with the person - Your safety should come first. There is no single approach that is right for every situation.
If it is safe to do so, reduce contact with the person and avoid sharing any further personal information. You may wish to seek advice from a trusted person, police, a relevant support organisation or advocate about how best to manage the contact.
Do not agree to meet the person in person.
If continued contact creates a risk to your safety, you can block or report the person immediately.
Where it is safe and appropriate, consider preserving useful evidence before blocking or deleting contact, particularly if you intend to report what has happened. However, do not remain in contact with someone simply to preserve evidence if doing so puts you at risk.
Do not give in to demands - If the person is demanding money, more images, sexual acts or other favours, do not comply. Giving in rarely stops the abuse and often leads to further demands.
Save evidence where it is safe - Keep records of what has happened if it is safe and practicable to do so.
This may include:
Screenshots of conversations.
Usernames.
Dates and times.
Links to profiles.
URLs.
Account details.
Avoid replying to further messages while collecting evidence where possible.
If sexual images or videos of someone under 18 are involved:
Do not download, copy, forward, repost or deliberately capture the sexual images or videos.
Do not share them with anyone else.
Preserve non-image information that may help with a report, such as usernames, links, dates, account details and relevant surrounding information, where it is safe to do so.
Report the matter to SAPS, the platform involved and/or the Film and Publication Board.
If preserving evidence could put you or someone else at risk, prioritise safety instead.
Make your online accounts more private - Review your privacy settings across social media, messaging apps and online games.
Consider:
Removing publicly visible personal information.
Hiding your location.
Making your profiles private.
Removing photographs or information that reveal where you live, work or study.
Removing information about local clubs, teams or other places you regularly visit.
Tell someone you trust - If it is safe to do so, tell someone you trust about what is happening.
This could be:
A parent or caregiver.
A trusted family member.
A teacher.
A school counsellor.
A social worker.
Childline South Africa.
A police officer.
If the person knows where you live, where you go to school or work, or has arranged to meet you, tell a trusted adult or the police immediately and do not attend the meeting.
If there is an immediate safety or safeguarding risk - If you are a child, someone has arranged to meet you in person, someone has threatened physical harm, or you believe that you or someone else may be in immediate danger:
Prioritise getting to a safe place.
Tell a trusted adult, police officer or other person who can help immediately.
Do not attend an arranged meeting with the person grooming you.
If there is immediate danger, contact SAPS emergency services on 10111.
If you are a child or young person, Childline South Africa can also provide support on 116.
Report it - Online grooming can involve criminal behaviour.
You can:
Visit your nearest SAPS police station.
Contact SAPS Crime Stop on 08600 10111.
Call 10111 if there is an emergency or immediate danger.
Providing any evidence you have safely preserved may assist with a report.
Get specialist support if you are a child
If you are under 18, you do not have to deal with this alone.
Childline South Africa provides free support and can assist children experiencing:
Grooming.
Sexual abuse.
Online exploitation.
Sextortion.
Other child protection concerns.
Childline South Africa can also help you access social workers or refer matters to law enforcement where appropriate.
If you are in immediate danger, contact SAPS on 10111.
Get specialist support if you are an adult
If you are an adult in South Africa and grooming has involved sexual abuse, coercion, threats, domestic abuse or sexual exploitation, support is available from organisations such as:
A Thuthuzela Care Centre.
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