Dealing with romance fraud (catfishing)
Catfishing is the name given to using a fake profile to start an online romance. Romance scams and catfishing affect people in South Africa and around the world. Scammers may build fake online relationships to steal money, gather personal information, or pressure someone into sending intimate images.
Romance scammers may range from organised criminal groups looking to make money to individuals seeking emotional manipulation or deception. Their goal is often to build trust before exploiting victims financially, emotionally, or through blackmail.
Recovering from a romance scam can be difficult. Many people experience the emotional impact of a relationship ending alongside feelings of embarrassment, betrayal or anger after discovering they have been deceived. Learning how the scam worked can also help you recognise warning signs in the future.
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Common traits of a catfish
You may be in an online relationship and be worried that the other person is not who they claim to be. Some common warning signs include:
They won’t do a video call or meet - Because they are using a fake identity, they may repeatedly refuse to have a live video call or meet in person. They often have numerous excuses for why this is not possible. However, if they do video call you, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are real, tools allow criminals to create “deepfakes” and pretend to be someone they are not.
They disappear frequently - They may claim to have a job that requires frequent travel or give reasons why they cannot communicate for extended periods. This allows them time to manage multiple victims or maintain their real-life relationships.
They have a very limited social media profile - Their social media account may be newly created, have very few posts, limited interaction and only a small number of friends or followers. Accounts connected to them may display similar characteristics..
They quickly want to exchange intimate images -If they cannot build a romantic connection quickly enough, they may encourage you to send intimate images which can later be used for blackmail or sextortion.
They ask for money - Many romance scammers eventually ask for money. This could be a single large payment or multiple smaller payments over time. They may ask for payment through bank transfer, instant payment services, e-wallets, vouchers, gift cards, cryptocurrency, airtime or data purchases. Some may also ask you to receive or transfer money on their behalf.
They become serious very quickly - They may declare love unusually early, discuss marriage or a future together, or encourage rapid emotional commitment before you have met.
Your instincts tell you something is wrong - If the relationship feels too good to be true, it may be. Trust your instincts and, if possible, discuss the relationship with someone you trust for an outside perspective.
Their communication does not match their claimed identity -If they claim to come from a country or background that does not match their language, knowledge or communication style, this may be a warning sign. This alone does not prove someone is a scammer but should be considered alongside other warning signs.
Approaches to dealing with a catfish
Check whether their photos and messages are genuine - You can perform a reverse image search using Google Images by uploading or pasting one of their profile photographs. If the image appears on multiple unrelated profiles or websites, it may have been stolen.
You can also search for unusual phrases from messages they have sent. Many romance scammers reuse scripts and copied messages.
A reverse image search can be helpful but may not identify AI-generated images or recently stolen photographs. Be cautious if images appear overly polished or if the person continually avoids live interaction.
Ask for a live video call before meeting - A genuine person will usually be willing to have a live video call before making serious commitments. Someone who repeatedly refuses video calls or continually makes excuses should be treated with caution.
If you later decide to meet someone you met online, do so safely. Meet in a public place, tell someone where you are going, arrange your own transport, and do not rely on the other person for money, accommodation or travel.
Stop communicating if you identify a scam - If you become confident that the person is a scammer, stop communicating with them immediately. Do not argue with them, threaten them, or try to persuade them to admit the deception. Block them on all platforms and report their account to the dating app or social media platform they used.
Never give them money - Never send money to someone you have only met online. If someone you have never met in person asks for money, treat this as a significant warning sign. Romance scams have resulted in victims losing substantial amounts of money, and recovering stolen funds can be difficult.
Never agree to receive, transfer or move money for someone you have only met online. Some romance scammers recruit victims as money mules, which may expose you to criminal investigation even if you were unaware of what was happening.
If you have already sent money, contact your bank or payment provider immediately. Explain that you believe you may be the victim of fraud and ask whether the payment can be stopped, recalled, traced or whether the receiving account can be flagged. Keep all payment receipts, account numbers, wallet addresses and related messages.
Keep conversations on the dating platform - If you met someone through a dating app or website, keep communication on that platform until you have had a live video call or met safely in person. Moving to private messaging apps too quickly can make it easier for scammers to manipulate victims and more difficult to report their behaviour.
Be careful what you share - A scammer may be collecting personal information to commit identity theft or other forms of fraud.
Avoid sharing information such as your address, banking details, copies of identity documents, answers to common security questions, or other sensitive personal information early in a relationship.
Be cautious about sending intimate images, as they may later be used for blackmail or sextortion.
If you have already shared identity documents, banking information or other sensitive personal information, monitor your financial accounts for unusual activity and consider applying for SAFPS Protective Registration if you believe your identity may have been compromised.
Do not pay blackmail demands - If someone threatens to share intimate images unless you pay them, do not pay. Paying rarely stops the abuse and often results in further demands.
Keep copies of all communications and report the account to the platform.
If intimate images have been shared or you are being threatened with their release, follow the guidance in the Cyber Helpline guide on Dealing with Intimate Image Abuse (Non-Consensual Sharing of Intimate Images).
Ask questions requiring local knowledge - If you suspect someone is pretending to be from a particular place, ask questions that require genuine local knowledge or ask them to take a live photograph or video at a recognisable local landmark. While this is not conclusive, it can sometimes expose inconsistencies.
Trust your instincts - If something does not feel right, take your concerns seriously. Speak to someone you trust and avoid making decisions under emotional pressure.
Be cautious if considering a private investigator -Some private investigators offer identity verification services. If you decide to use one, ensure they are reputable and operate lawfully in South Africa. Be cautious of anyone promising to recover your money, identify the scammer or "hack" their accounts. Many so-called recovery services are scams themselves.
The emotional impact of a romance scam
Discovering that a relationship was fraudulent can be emotionally devastating. Many people experience grief, embarrassment, anger, anxiety and loss of trust.
Talking to trusted friends, family members or a professional support service can help.
If you need emotional support in South Africa, consider contacting Lifeline South Africa, the GBV Command Centre (where abuse, coercion or threats are involved), TEARS Foundation, or Childline South Africa if a child or young person is affected.
Report it
If you believe you have been the victim of a romance scam:
Report the fake account to the dating platform or social media service.
Keep evidence including messages, usernames, profile links, payment records and screenshots.
If you have lost money or have been threatened, report the matter to the South African Police Service (SAPS) by visiting your nearest police station. Ask for a case number and keep it for future reference.
If you sent money, contact your bank or payment provider immediately and ask whether the transaction can be stopped, traced or the receiving account flagged.
If your identity information may have been compromised, consider reporting the matter to SAFPS and applying for Protective Registration to help reduce the risk of identity fraud.
Remember that romance scams are common and can affect anyone. Reporting the incident may help protect both you and others from further harm.
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